That's Where You're Wrong, Kiddo

{Many think Tristan has turned rotten since becoming King Tristan. Actually, King Tristan Killebrew. He wants the full name because you need to be proper. Just calling him Tristan these days is like calling your teacher by their first name. It’s just rude. But Tristan is not this bad guy you all think he is. He still has a heart of gold — to match his gold crown. Tristan seems to be in his home. The camera pans to his living room. Just showing the gigantic tv with King Tristan Killebrew highlights playing. The camera moves a bit to show some couches and — a throne, where Tristan is sitting of course. All of a sudden a few kids come into frame.}

King Tristan: “Oh, would you look at that, it’s the kids I help mentor on the weekends because they don’t know their parents and quite frankly nobody loves them. But I take time out of my busy schedule of watching myself, to interact with them. Such as making sure my butler remembers to cut the crust off their sandwiches. But it’s whatever. No big deal...”

{An awkward pause occurs while Tristan stares daggers at the kids because they forget their line. He reminds one of them to roll up their sleeve because the line is written there in case they forgot.}

Kids: “King Tristan Killebrew, you’re the best. You’re way better than everyone else in Wrestleworld.”

King Tristan: “What me?! Nooooooo — actually, yeah, you’re right. Because you’re a kid and everybody knows that kids are brutally honest. Now scram.”

{After the kids leave, you hear screeching. Like wheels or something. The camera pans down to a dog with wheels to help him move because paralyzed.}

King Tristan: “Oh, would you look at that, my paralyzed dog, that I fully take care of is here. You’re such a cute dog, Hot Wheels. Yes you are! I love you so much! So inspirational — like me, when I compete in the squared circle. Alright now get out of frame, Hot Wheels, I gotta talk to — oh shoot, a camera was filming me doing all these good deeds this entire time? So embarrassing, gosh!

{Tristan then begins tapping the camera.}

“Is this on? Good, for I have an important message I must share with a certain someone. Yeah, you. Mhm, I’m talking to you. You. Don’t. Matter. To. Me. Sorry for the pauses but when it comes to dealing with someone that quite possibly has the world’s thickest skull, you need to slow it down a bit. To really drive the point home with the extra emphasis, ya know? But while I’m on the topic of things that don’t matter to me, hey, let’s talk about this match. To clarify, this match on Chapter 18. Well, plus, the match we already had and the future singles match we’ll have again where you’ll try to even the score but in the end, I’ll chop that head of yours that’s filled with hot air clean off your shoulders with my sharp and devastating elbow — a move you know all too well haha. HAHA! HA! Giving me yet another dub. Adding another feather to my hat — no, CROWN! That isn’t just a prediction, by the way, oh no, it’s a fact. Everybody knows it. Even you do, deep down, with that pea brain of yours. But you’ll try to convince yourself otherwise because of your precious narrative. You’ll try to put on this act as you puff your chest out and claim we are on the same level, when nah, I’m head and shoulders better than you and quite frankly it’s an insult - no, A SLAP IN THE FACE, that the king even has to deal with a jester, such as yourself, on multiple occasions. It’s tiresome. It really is. Like, just know your role around here already, buddy, jeez. I really don’t think I’m asking for too much here. And just like most people — scratch that for there is no comparison to me and common folk. But, what I was about to say, I don’t like it when my time is being wasted. It’s a very valuable thing. It’s something I cherish. It’s something I can’t get back. If I could get my time back, I would go back in time and not make the small joke and gesture of sticking my ring out for you to smooch because now I have to deal with you, the pathetic pest, constantly trying to gnaw on my ankles and buzz in my ear — just leave me the hell alone. I just be chilling backstage and this dude be calling me out. I’d be signing some autographs for the kids and take some pictures with them like I usually do, like the role model that I am, brightening their day, trying to make their 2020 a little more enjoyable, but nope, sorry little Timmy, sorry little Sarah, the egomaniac that is Colt Montana has to see me at once! “Fuck dem kids.” A true quote from Colt Montana. Montoya. Sorry about that, for I would never go out of my way to disrespect you. I’m not the kind of guy to poke fun at the less fortunate so you can believe that apology is sincere. So I apologized because I’m the bigger man and everything, so now, guess what? It’s your turn. Apologize for overreacting. Apologize for being a thief — you know, being the whole time stealer thing. Not just my time, but the fan’s time as well. They wanna see me beat the likes of Arata and Senn and Claudia again. But they get to see their hero, their king, their inspiration, their everything, face off against — Colt Montoya? Reeeeeeaaaalllly?”

“Your fifteen minutes of fame keeps getting extended by yours truly. Me just saying your name gives you clout, some attention. Something you were starved from by the looks of it. And now here you are, clinging onto me and my career. Holding on for dear life because you know when this whole — thing is over — was going to say rivalry but this is so one-sided that it couldn’t be classified as such, but when this thing is over, nobody will hear about you, Colt. Nobody will care to listen to the words you say. Because everything you say is empty. Empty statements, empty threats. For someone that talks as much as you do, you never bring anything of substance. But I get it, you pop off and chirp and chirp some more because when it’s all said and done, your mouth will be a little too occupied with your foot in it. As for your other foot, it’ll be too busy with blood gushing out for the bullet you shot yourself with. You aren’t ready for this. You weren’t ready for the first time so what makes you so confident that your fate will get any better this time around? Oh my god because I took you to the limit, Tristan! Yeah, except for the part where you didn’t. And the only reason — THE ONLY REASON that match lasted a little longer than what I would’ve liked is that the week before I went to hell with Havoc in THE MAIN EVENT of a pay-per-view. Whatchu know ‘bout main eventing, Colt? Not a damn thing unless I literally invite you to see one up close and personal like the last Chapter. Still waiting on that thank you, by the way. But speaking about the last chapter, you’re over here crying about how you didn’t like how I won. Hey, guess what? Psssssst, closer, yeah, come closer, good — I DON’T GIVE A FUCK! Not even one. Who are you to judge me? Better yet...”

“Nobody knows. You’re just the guy who is meant to face off against the likes of Jay Jones. Guys that are on your skill level. The last chapter I took on the queen and the American Dream architect and beat her, fair and square, while you faced — I have no clue. See the difference? I’m a star. I’m a king. I’m household known. I’m the best wrestler in this company by an entire country mile. And you’re just — you’re you. This immature, drunk cowboy guy that is a filler. Mr.  Sensitive, that’s what you are. Because let’s not forget that the entire reason why this is even still happening right now is that you got your feelings hurt. Yep, you’re all in your feelings. Taking everything personal while I’m just joking around because you’re a joke to begin with. I can’t take you seriously. You even have a babysitter, Kimbo, making sure you did your homework and shit. You aren’t a worthy opponent. You don’t deserve to face me in that ring for a second time. You’ve done nothing to warrant it. An opportunity of a lifetime you have been given and when the lights are at the brightest, you’ll squander it while your lights dim after you get knocked the fuck out. But you know what, in a weird way, a small part of me — very tiny, a silver of me — actually wants you to win this meaningless tag match because you need something. You need something to hold over me even though I don’t care. Because I know a win this week would mean the world to you. You need any sort of momentum you can get because when I’m facing you in singles again, it’s just gonna be that much sweeter when I run through you. And over you. And over you again for good measure. As for the tag match aspect, I know April and Stephanie don’t like each other. They have a rivalry brewing and shit like that but I don’t care. All I know is April must be the better one of the two because Jaywalker decided to put her on the winning team with me this week. Oh, how am I so confident we will be the winning team? Duh, because of me. Now, this was fun and all, but I gotta go back to petting my handicap little dog, mentor some orphans and maybe if I’m feeling up to it, rescue an elderly woman from a fire. Who knows. I’m feeling kinda tired so maybe not. Any who, ta ta.”