Awards you say? (I will format this later, posting from phone)

Our scene begins in a crowded parking lot, as a shaky camera showcases T.J Thompson, wrapped in multiple bandages standing behind a poorly made cardboard podium. Reporters and passersby sit in folding chairs as T.J smiles despite his injuries.

T.J: Welcome to the first-ever T.J Thompson press conference! I know you're all dying to hear what I have to say about politics, or business, or my opinion on the Takis vs Hot Cheetos debate, so fire away!

Reporter #1: Well first of all, how did you get all those injuries? You seem to be wrapped up in a ton of bandages. Was it the Dreamscape match?

T.J: Good question. I actually tripped on a banana pee-... actually yeah. It was the Dreamscape match. Tony Gun sure did a number on me! He's a savage man, that Tony Gun. Him and his...uh...gun? Yeah, he brought a glock to the ring. I was lucky to escape with my life!

The reporters present quickly take notes.

Reporter #1: He brought a gun to the ring? That doesn't sound legal. Are you planning on pressing charges on him for…shooting you? That's a crime!

T.J: Erm...no. I fear for the retribution he'll take against me and my family! I can send him to jail, but he'll probably just escape and murder me. Better to just let him live and hope he leaves me alone.

Reporter #2: How was your experience in the Dreamscape match? You didn't win, but you didn't look too terrible.

T.J: Hey! I looked amazing! Sure I didn't win...but we don't talk about that. Just like my father said: every loss was just practice, but every win counts! I was going easy. Let's say that. I was practicing...for uh...my next match! Title shots are overrated!

Reporter 2: You were? Well, what do you have to say to Emmanuelle who won the thing? I imagine she wasn't "going easy".

T.J: Your welcome! Next!

Reporter #3: What did you think of the talent in that Dreamscape? It was a place for talent not usually showcased on main shows to shine! Do you think you made an impact? Do you think you gained some attention? Do y-

T.J frantically jots down all the questions and cuts off the reporter.

T.J: CALM DOWN WITH THE QUESTIONS! I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast! First of all, I can barely remember anything from that match. I spent most of it on the grou-...I mean kicking ass! And it's only a matter of time before I'm showered with glory and fame…

Crickets are heard as the crowd goes silent.

T.J: ....right? Yeah. I think so.

The reporters awkwardly shift and continue to ask questions.

Reporter #2: The Wrestleworld Awards Show is coming up. Do you think you have a chance at winning anything?

T.J: Look. It’s not about who WINS an award, it’s about who gets snubbed! The people who think they deserve something, but end up leaving with nothing. I probably won’t win anything, but I’m sure soon enough the voters will see the errors of their ways and beg for my forgiveness!

The reporters shrug and take notes on his comments.

T.J: AND THAT'S NOT ALL! I also have insider information about the awards! Well not exactly about the awards, but about a certain riot involving crabs if a certain someone doesn't win an award. THE CRABS WILL RISE UP AND ENSLAVE THE PLANET!!! THEY'RE COMING FOR YOU, NOBI!!! YOU AND YOUR...CRAB EATING WAYS!!!

Reporter #3: What…

T.J: Yeah, you heard me! CRABS!!! The crab riot! The crabs will..you know...riot! With their little torches and pitchforks! They're going to take revenge on all the poor souls who dare to boil crabs alive! WILL BOILING YOU ALIVE GIVE YOU MORE FLAVOR?!?!?

Reporter #3: I don't think so…

T.J: EXACTLY! The crabs are coming for blood! I fear the day when they enslave the human race. I hope they don't eat me.

Reporter #1: But...wasn't this...your idea?

T.J: I have realized the error of my ways. I can't control the crab riot! I can barely walk down stairs! I now vow from this day on to stay away from seafood restaurants. It's not worth it, man. Forget about the awards, the crabs will rise up whenever they want!

Reporter 2: Ok, keeping things on topic, what do you think the most anticipated event of the night will be?

T.J: Well the part I'm hi-

T.J is interrupted by an old man wearing a Colt Montoya t-shirt, who stands up from his chair and waves his cane angrily.

Old man: HIP IS A BODY PART!!! TELL ME, YOUNGIN. DO YOU BREAK A HIP?!?!?

T.J: Well actua-

Old man: YES!!! HIP! IS! A! BODY! PART! YOU BREAK A HIP, BUT YOU DON'T GET HIP!!!!! SHAME ON YOU, YOU WHIPPERSNAPPERS AND YOUR...YOUR NEWFANGLED WORDS!!!

T.J: I'm mean...I-

Old man: AND DON'T GET ME STARTED O-

In his enraged tirade, the elderly fan trips on a crack in the sidewalk.

Old man: AAAAAAGH!!! MY, MY, MY…

T.J: Hip?

Old man: NO! MY BACK! THE AGONY! WHY IS LIFE SO CRUEL??? YOU'VE GOT PEOPLE USING THE WORD HIP IMPROPERLY, THEN WE'VE GOT NEGLECT OF THE ELDERLY! HOW COME NOBODY'S HELPED ME UP, YET?!?

At that, the old man was quickly helped up by various reporters and fans. His screams are heard in the distance as he limps away.

Reporter #1: Erm...Back to the topic, I’ve just gotten news that you’ll be competing at the Awards Ball! How do you feel about wrestling while the majority of the roster gets dressed up?

T.J: It's fine. IT'S FINE. Wrestling gear is red carpet attire, right? I can just whip on a shirt and it'll be fiiiiine. And for my opponent, I just happen to have MORE insider information about that guy. After sli- I mean after my brutal performance at the Dreamscape match, I saw A WHITE VAN WITH A MYOJIN BUMPER STICKER! Very suspicious! Even I say that hip is for the children, BUT NOT LIKE THAT! Now was it MYOJIN in that van? I don't know. But who drives a white van with their own merchandise on it? MYOJIN? A fan of him? My mother? We'll never know...or will we?

Reporter #3: ...will we?

T.J: I don't know! Probably…? But what I do know is I'll be pinning MYOJIN who may or may not be a kidnapper for that one, two, three!

Reporter 1: It's a submission match.

T.J: Oh. Well. In that case, HE'LL TAP OUT! I think I know a submission move. If I forget I can just tickle him until he passes out. HEAR THAT, MYOJIN?!? TICKLES ARE COMING YOUR WAY!!? Yeah, I know you're scared.

Reporter 2: Actually I don't think he'll be that threatened by ti-

T.J: Nonsense! And besides, how hard can a submission match be? You just make them hurt a lot. I get hurt all the time. Most of it isn't even from wrestling. I think I can pull someone's arm back, or bend their leg, or manipulate joints that shouldn't be manipulated. I'll be fiiine.

Reporter 3: Hey, MYOJIN is pretty good. No offense, but I don't know about your chances in this one.

T.J: HOW DARE YOU! Just for that, the cra-...I mean I'll prove your ass wrong! But first I must do some INVESTIGATING on this suspicious bu-

The podium collapses as an animated T.J is denied the chance to finish his sentence as he's sent face first into the ground. The scene fades to black as he attempts to pull himself back up but fails, falling over again.

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The scene opens up again to reveal T.J Thompson and a hesitant Noah Quinn sitting in a car outside of an average looking suburban home. Noah is sitting in the driver's seat and T.J in shotgun.

Noah: This is the place where they keep kidnapped children? That doesn't make sense. I would expect something more... suspicious.

T.J: THAT'S WHY IT'S SO GOOD! THEY'RE SMART, THOSE KIDNAPPERS WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE MYOJIN! I've taken some time to think, and now I'm 100% sure that there are some children hidden in that garage. It's my time to shine! Someone has to save these innocent victims! Besides, anyone who drives a white van is probably hiding something bad. HIP IS FOR THE CHILDREN!!!

Noah: But there's not even a white van in the dri-

T.J scrambles out of the car, donning a black face mask and carrying a red tool box. Noah rubs his face in exhaustion as he watches T.J leave. T.J wanders around the perimeter of the house, stopping at a window that peeks into the basement.

T.J: Aha!

T.J opens the clunky toolbox and attempts to screw off the bolts on the window with a screwdriver. After a few minutes of fidgeting with the bolts, T.J throws the screwdriver away and picks up a huge rock off the ground. He smashes it into the window repeatedly, but it still doesn't break.

T.J: WHO MAKES WINDOWS LIKE THIS???

T.J tosses the rock aside and takes a few steps back, then takes a running start and throws his shoulder into the window, finally sending him and the window crashing into the basement of the house.

T.J: For...The...CHILDREN!!!

The camera pans across the empty basement.

T.J: Huh. WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THEM??? They have to be in the basement. They're always in the basement in movies!

The stairs creak as an alarmed young woman makes her way down the stairs, carrying a baby in one arm and a flashlight in the other.

Woman: Hello? Is anyone there?

T.J: MYOJIN is a woman?

Woman: What's a MYOJIN? And what the fuck are you doing in my house? AND WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY WINDOW???

T.J: GET YOUR HANDS OFF THAT CHILD, MYOJIN! How dare you kidnap that baby? How dare you drive a white van? How dare you live a life full of lies! PREPARE TO BE TAPPED OUT THIS SUNDAY!

T.J makes an attempt to grab the child, but the woman screams and whacks him with the flashlight. Another figure is seen descending the stairs as T.J holds his head in pain. The flashlight is shined on him to reveal...the old man from the press conference!

Old man: YOU??? You hurt my back, you insult the english language, AND NOW YOU BREAK INTO MY HOUSE?

T.J: You're MYOJIN? And how dare YOU drive a white van! Shame! Now gimmie that child! The police are already on the way to arrest your kidnapping asses!

Woman: This...is my child...AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!

T.J: Oh yeah? THEN EXPLAIN THE WHITE VAN?

Woman: WHAT WHITE VAN? I drive a Honda Civic!

T.J: LIES! The eagle in my dream said otherwise! He also said awards hip, but more importantly, THAT'S NOT YOUR CHILD!

Old man: HIP IS A BO-

The old man, still rocking the Colt Montoya shirt is interrupted by sirens in the distance.

T.J: Your time has co-

T.J is cut off by another flashlight blow to the head, this time knocking him unconscious.

The scene switches to Noah hopping out of the car, hearing screams and a thunk in the distance. He knocks on the door and is greeted by a very angry duo. He groans and sheepishly carries T.J back to the car, apologizing profusely as he drives away, just before the police arrive at the scene. The scene fades to black as T.J mutters "the eagle" and "why is my life like this" in his sleep.

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Ok! I have made some mistakes in my life! Unfortunately, trying to do the right thing was one of them! I GUESS I was wrong in infiltrating that house, but my intentions were in the right place! At least I'm not in jail! Things could be worse! And speaking of things that could be worse, I feel like a worst case scenario is on the way for MYOJIN. I'm still not even 100% sure that he's not a kidnapper! You never know with people these days. But it looks like I'll have to put my morals aside, and tap out someone who may or may not be...yeah. Apparently the guy wears a lot of makeup, I guess I didn’t notice. I’m a pretty pale guy myself, so I guess everyone wants to be like the yung prodigy! But looks are looks. I guess he'll have a new shade of makeup after I'm done with him. IT'S BLOOD! Or maybe not. I don't really like blood. It stains carpet. And smells bad. And you know...it belongs inside of people. Ok. Maybe a no on the blood, but you get what I mean! Blood has the possibility to flow! But preferably not! I consider myself a shining star too, but it feels like most people see me as the opposite, whatever that is. I wonder why!? When people see my chiseled physique, dashing good looks and endless charisma, I would think that they would fall in love with my godliness. But instead I get comments like "who are you again?" and "why are you in my house?". FOR SHAME! I guess they just don't see what's right in front of their faces.

The question here is, what does MYOJIN expect? Does he see the Yung GOAT for who he truly is? OR IS HE ANOTHER SHEEP THAT ONLY WONDERS ABOUT TRIVIAL THINGS?!? Things like ethics, IQ tests and things that never happened! At the awards, I'm being forced to tap you out! While others accept their awards for being nice, or being evil, or for rising up, we'll be sweating away in the ring! How come there's no award for most hip? What is a MYOJIN? Those are the questions I ask myself before I go to sleep. BUT THERE IS ONE THING I NEED NO CONFIRMATION OF! THE HIPBEAST IS GETTING THIS W! I may not know any submissions, I may not be the smartest, I may not be the fastest, but...wait no. I AM THE SMARTEST AND THE FASTEST! I always get things mixed up. But that's not the point. The point is that the real american hipbeast is winning at the awards, he's winning awards, and he's making his own awards! For me and only me! And other people too if they ask nicely. Even you, MYOJIN! You can have "best makeup". You're welcome!

It's the least I can do for you after kicking your ass. See, I can be a nice guy! I'm more than just a handsome face!