Thine Kingdom Come (Senor Pinchy Feast of the Fallen Promo)

(The camera opens on Wrestleworld's shore at nighttime where we find the surreal sight of a hunched over Senor Pinchy with a small dune of sand on his head sitting high in a lifeguard chair spray painted gold with a few shells and broken bottles bejeweling it. Flanking either side of the lifeguard chair holding torches are two massive men in loin cloths and fish head shaped helmets. Pinchy lets out a sigh as he takes the tiny hill of sand off of his head in both hands, turns to his left, and lets the sand fall down onto the unflinching and at attention tuna guard.)

Tuna Guard Uno: ¿Está todo bien mi rey?

Senor Pinchy: Si si, I just do not know what we are a'still doing here after Arata Asakura beat me en the semi-finals of King of the World. I am not a king. The profecía has not been carried out en full. I sit upon a throne of lies ruling over nada.

Tuna Guard Dos: Todavía tienes "La Fiesta de los Caídos" que esperar. Quizás ganes.

Senor Pinchy: Si, but what does that get Pinchy?

Tuna Guard Uno: ¿Un tiro al oro ... o tal vez un deslizamiento rosa?

Senor Pinchy: Some gold around mi waist would make up por the oro not on mi cabeza....

(Pinchy sits up at attention in his throne as his eyes light up at the possibility of winning a title. He then contemplates the alternative for a moment, furrowing his brow and knitting his eyebrows in thought before finally piping up.)

Senor Pinchy: Who es in Feast of the Fallen this año?

(The Tuna Guards look at one another momentarily, before one hands his torch off to the other awkwardly and pulls out a scroll that was conveniently tucked into the side of his loin cloth and unfurls it.)

Tuna Guard Uno: Participante número uno: Reginald Dampshaw III

Senor Pinchy: Ah si! Lizard Mang Dampshaw Tres. Pinchy hoped to face him en the finals and end this land war between Crab y Reptile. It almost happened too. He made it just as far en the torneo as Pinchy, and for that Pinchy respects the Lizard Mang.

Tuna Guard Dos: Cuán amable y admirable de tu parte, mi rey.

Senor Pinchy: Kind y admirable nothing! Pinchy knows that Lizard Mang es the biggest threat to him en Feast of the Fallen. He has won oro, he has fought leyendas. Infierno, Lizard Mang es a leyenda! He fights dirty like Pinchy, y doesn't care who he impresses en the ring. He es truly a threat, but one Pinchy shall not take lightly. Who else?

Tuna Guard Uno: Participante número dos: Nobi

Senor Pincny: Poor Nemo. So many times this year he has been led astray. He was conspired against multiple times, and Pinchy can sympathize with that. However, what Pinchy cannot sympathize with es not being able to overcome said conspirators. There's no doubt that Nemo is the heart and soul of LuchaMundo, but as of late Pinchy es finding Nemo coming up short.

Tuna Guard Dos: ¿Es una amenaza?

Senor Pinchy: Absolutamente, but it es one Pinchy feels like he can overcome. Nemo has been pushed to his mental limit by his old amigo, his amigas y Babayaka since showing up on the island. He has shown strong resolve, but he has also sacrificed some of his morals along the way. Pinchy can exploit a distracted mang whose probably had the roughest run en LuchaMundo history. Tell Pinchy participant number three.

Tuna Guard Uno: Stark.

Senor Pinchy: Shark? We all know of his lega-sea. However, part of that lega-sea is thriving in the deep, but drowning in the shallows. The problem with that in a tournament setting is you have to wade through the shallows before you are able to enter the deep blue yonder. Things change in this match though because something big is on the line and he doesn't have to fight his way up a bracket to get it. Shark thrives when opportunity y respeto es handed to him, but never when he has to earn it. It just throws him off of his game. This match is designed for men like him, and that es why Pinchy considers him a threat. Is he...how j'ou say?...Insurmountable?

(The two Tuna Guards give one another a knowing look after Pinchy's sudden outburst of perfect English, and then avert their eyes back up to their leader.)

Senor Pinchy: How do j'ou say en ingles?...ah j'es, the same as it es said en espanol: No.

Tuna Guard Uno: ¿Qué pasa con el participante número cuatro, Travis Murphy?

Senor Pinchy: Pinchy relates to Travis Mudskipper because he es a parejas specialist as well. Regardless Pinchy es able to get the job done when someone isn't watching his back. Pinchy hasn't had the privilege of being able to skip adversity by riding someone's coattails. De lo contrario, most of Pinchy's partners hated him and actively worked against him. Meanwhile Travis es able to tag with Mackerel and have him carry him not only through the door of LuchaMundo and get a contract, but also into a pair of tag straps.. Let us see how he'll fair under his own weight instead of having to rely on a padre bod to carry him.

Tuna Guard Uno: El siguiente en la lista es Sam Ace

Senor Pinchy: All right! Pinchy es un grande fan de Salmon Ace! He has been muy disruptivo so far en his run here en LuchaMundo. Pinchy likes what he's seen of Salmon Ace. Under better circumstances Pinchy might pitch a run at the Hybrid Titles his way, but that es not the situation we find ourselves in right now, si? I've seen the under-claw-ded y cheap tactics he's used to get ahead so far and Pinchy thinks he can sink lower, especially if there's a chest filled with oro y opportunity waiting for Pinchy when he finally sinks low enough to hit rock bottom. Pinchy looks forward to playing moral limbo with Salmon though. Es time to see how low he can go.

Tuna Guard Uno: La siguiente es la recién llegada Delilah Hill.

Senor Pinchy: Ehhh...Pinchy has very limited knowledge of Delilah Krill or the mainland, but he hears she es a hillbilly of some sort? Word is despite her parent's druthers to live en the boonies, they have many sand dollars, si? Well, on many occasions said dolares may be able to buy Senora Krill a fiesta grande, but not en Feast of the Fallen.

Tuna Guard Dos: ¿Tiene alguna ventaja en ser rica?

Senor Pinchy: Not unless she plans on throwing some clams her opponents way en hopes of buying victoria. I know it es hard for people like her to understang work ethic y earning what they get. Por that reason, Pinchy a'sees her and sees no threat. When it comes to Feat of the Fallen, she will fall off of her hill y Pinchy will be new Rey de la Montana!

Tuna Guard Uno: El siguente es Grim

Senor Pinchy: iAye aye aye! Pinchy es misunderstood by many, but por once Pinchy cannot understang someone else. Grime came into LuchaMundo looking to be a conquistador, only to find that others had already staked a claim to the island.¿Ahora que? Does he plan to take on Pinchy's Raza de la Garra? Face off against Beach Morgan and his growing legion of followers? Maybe take on Ghost Fish Organización? Or will he continue to sit in the shadows y bide his time while keeping his maestro at bay until the battlefield clears itself in this civil war that he has walked en on? That does not sound like a conquistador to me. I'd say it sounds like a bottom feeder.

Tuna Guard Dos: ¿Eres un alimentador inferior?

Senor Pinchy: Si, but even bottom feeders are above Grime en the food chain. ¡Próximo!

Tuna Guard Uno: El siguiente es el hombre al que ya has vencido, Jimmy Johnson.

(Pinchy gets a tinge of excited recognition in his eyes as he ponders over his second round opponent.)

Senor Pincny: Swimmy gave me his all en this torneo. It was a Swimmy Swanson that we had not seen en this part of the world por a long time, and I liked a'seeing him. Pinchy hopes he bring his un juego to Feast of the Fallen. Not because Pinchy believes it will accomplish victoria. Pinchy has seen Swimmy's a-game y won it already. No, Pinchy doesn't want it to be easy por everyone else though. Of the luchas en this match, he es en the upper crust. I don't think he knows it, realizes it, or want to accept it, but es true. Of the once en this match, he es en the even half that has a remote shot of coming out of this with a victoria. Repito, he wont as long as Pinchy has anything to say about it por supuesto, but if he justovercame the one thing that held him back from beating me en the first place, he could get by by the gills of his teeth.

Tuna Guard Dos: ¿Qué tiene que superar Jimmy?

Senor Pinchy: Sadly that thing es himself, and I do not know how uno can overcome themselves, especially when there are diez other people he has to overcome. Whose next? ¡Rápido! ¡Rápido!

Tuna Guard Uno: "Primetime" Jaxon Caine

Senor Pinchy: Who the shell es "Brine Time" Jaxon Crane? Another newcomer looking to dip their toe en Pinchy's agua? Hah! Typical Crane: always standing on the shore y waiting por the agua to wash up to him, only to go running away once he gets his talons wet. He es new to the ocean of talent en this match, and quite frankly some of them are new to Pinchy. Regardless, I feel like I have a grasp on their motivations.

Tuna Guard Dos: ¿Qué motiva a Jaxon?


Senor Pinchy: ¿Quién? Senor Clown Fish? No comprendo. So he had a bad childhood y now Pinchy es supposed to be afraid of him? iMierda! Pinchy had a bad childhood. He watched his family tear his mother apart y eat her alive! Pinchy was a'part of the swarm, but regardless! Pinchy didn't find the Hot Tropic a'store y buy up all of the mascara y band t-shirts. Pinchy fought his way onto land y conquered everything his meaty claws touched. Can a Crane do the same? Or is it just another crybaby looking for attention despite his hairline receding further than the very tides his birdbrain a'fears? Are there any more opponents on the list for Pinchy to contemplate? or es the Crane painted like a crow the last of Pinchy's worries?

Tuna Guard Uno: Uno mas: Jacob Stone.

Senor Pinchy: Who the infierno es Jacob Stonefish?

Tuna Guard Dos: El es de australia.

Senor Pincny: The one with the mountains or the one with the sharks?

Tuna Guard Dos: El peligroso uno

Senor Pinchy: Ehhh...Pinchy knows muy poco about Australia or the muddy mang who came from it. ¿Cómo se llama? Jacob Stonefish? He es very tall, but not a'very heavy. Maybe he should change his nombre to Jacob Pebblefish...or The Gato Tail Weed? This match es a big opportunity for the likes of him y the other newcomers en it, but despite height or being known for coming from the mud of a dangerous rock filled with arañas asesinas y serpientes, not to mention Drop Bears, I do not have much faith en his ability to survive after being thrown into the deep end before he even gets his sea piernas. ¿Quién sabe? maybe he will a'surprise Pinchy. Dios knows Pinchy has been surprised before, but with the likes of Nemo, Lizard Mang, Swimmy, y Shark he'd be hard pressed to overcome the odds, si?

The Tuna Guards In Unison: Si.

(Pinchy looks favorably upon his Tuna Guards with a proud smile before settling back into his lifeguard seat.)

Senor Pinchy: But Pinchy? Pinchy will not be a part of the feast regardless to how many of his opponents make allusions to eating him. No. Pinchy may have been robbed of his crown, but he will dine like a king while watching others do without! Maybe if Pinchy is feeling generous he will drop a crumb or two to those he likes, but as it stands right now Pinchy will be putting on his lobster bib y digging into the competition with both claws! Pinchy will not live his life on a throne of lies If destino will not come to Pinchy, then Pinchy shall hunt down destino, strike it down with his own garra, y make it his beach!

(Pinchy hops down off of his makeshift throne, snapping his claws as he walks off camera. On cue, the Tuna Guards take a torch each and light the lifeguard seat ablaze before following close behind Pinchy's footsteps in the sand. The camera pans in on the burning chair as it begins to fall apart, and then slowly fades to black.)