For Alice and Puppy

I was depressed that nobody was able to follow me up. None of my opponents who spoke after me dropped any pipebombs. They were all so lame, I wanted to start a what chant whenever they opened their mouths. But then she came back, my tag team partner reminded me what this was all about. Avenging the fallen, beating up The Underworld, and becoming number one contender for a title!

For Puppy and for Alice, I’ll get the job done!

Alyssa doesn’t understand the rules of this match. Proving that women are meant to MAKE feasts, not sit at the table and eat them. Revoke her ticket!

That’s a joke! I wouldn’t violate PC! You don’t need to do that to have pipe bombs. Alyssa is rad, but I’ll be the one and only winner of this match. Unlike her, I don’t plan on sharing my win with three other people. Women are selfless, charitable, so I get why she naturally made the mistake of thinking this spread four ways, total power girl thinking! Except when it comes to Claudia Michaels, like my friend Alice said she’s a Bowsette slut! It’s okay that I say that, because I’m repeating what Alice said, and she gave me the S word pass! Like Bernie Sanders, I’m an honorary woman! Like Trump, I make what is under my influence great again! Wrestling great again!

Colt, I knew you were a jerk, but you shouldn’t mention the dead the way you do. I was going to drop the hottest pipebomb on you, but I think Jacob Senn will handle it. But my jaw is diamond, and don’t be jealous that you don’t have a cool saying like I do with my PIPE BOMBS! Woo Woo, you know it Colt!

I have always been in the bottom ten percent. Make fun of me for that all you want. All my life I’ve had to fight from the slums and with heart become the type of guy who takes over as best in the world! It doesn’t matter if I’m underestimated or mocked, I’ll keep fighting because that’s what having heart means! I’ll show you that this is the Gas Snake’s yard, I’m the big dog!  

Ganondorf, just because you ignore us doesn’t mean Alice and I won’t teach you a lesson. Lraith, you have big things coming to you. If my friend won’t get what you did to her out of her head, I won’t either. I defend friends and I respect women, like a real man. What you and the Underworld have done is unforgivable. All the threats of abuse on little girls. All the harassment of women. It’ll come back to bite you, see I’m sure you guys think you’re funny, but you’re not! What’s funny is how much my hat bothers you. What’s funny is after I get my title match, I might get lucky with Claudia as the one I face.

That’s if Stephanie doesn’t put the old dog down first. Because she’s no big dog she’s just an old b*tch.