D & J Over Dem Mountains (Part 1)

[The scene starts off with RZD’s agent, Lee Steenberg, who is lying helplessly in his hospital bed after Drake & Jones attacked him at Chapter 15 for no reason. Well, because they are bullies and set a bad example for today’s youth. Something RZD does a good job at. Always inspiring and shit, but back to the scene. Eugene the nerd is sitting right by him, as he is holding his hand because Lee is actually his father. Coach then knocks on the door as a crying Eugene looks up and lets out a small smile before looking at his beat up dad again. Then the next thing you know, D’Angelo and Zaire step into the room and Eugene wipes his tears away as he has a goofy smile on his face again.]

Zaire: The fuck you smiling at?

Eugene: You guys came!

D’Angelo: Yeah, so did your Mom. That’s why we’re here now.

Eugene: I don’t understand.

Zaire: Not surprising to be honest. You know, for a nerd, there is still so much you must learn.

Coach: Guys, show some respect. Eugene’s dad is in critical condition.

Zaire: Where is his dad?

Coach: Right there.

Zaire: Hol up, Lee is Eugene’s father? What the fuck? We might just have to fire him for that. That’s inexcusable. I can’t be having two Eugene’s around.

D’Angelo: Hmm, perhaps we should just pull the plug to be honest.

Eugene: Guys please. I usually love your humor, but there is a time and place for everything. And I confidently say this to you because we are best friends and sometimes friends need to put each other in check.

D’Angelo: Oh.. Gonna stop yo dumbass right there.. We ain’t best friends.. Not even friends.. Pals? Naw… We are… Umm.. Zaire help me out..

Zaire: Eug, what we are is NUFFIN! Pretty sure you aren’t supposed to talk to us except when you are presenting your analytics and other nerd shit when it comes to our matches and opponents.

Eugene: Right...opponents. Speaking of opponents, Drake & Jones did this to my dad, to your agent. They must be punished. I wanna do it. I was hoping I could replace one of you this week and fight them so I can get my revenge.

Zaire: Yeah, nah. We want to win this week. Something you know nothing about.

Eugene: That’s where you’re wrong! I won many of mathalons! A spelling bee or two.. Don’t want to brag, but I’m a bit of a winner. Especially when I’m running on a ton of emotions, and right now, I’m very emotional. So I got this.

D’Angelo: You a bitch, shut the fuck up. I can’t handle such low testosterone killing my vibe.

Zaire: Yeah, I think right now would be an appropriate time to talk about this match.

[Just then, Lee starts waking up as he doesn’t know where he is at first. He’s making a bunch of random noises.]

Eugene: DAD?!

Lee: *with a weak voice* Eugene?

Zaire: SHHHHHHHHUT THE FUCK UP! IM TALKIN!

Eugene: Oh, sorry, dad, go back to sleep.

Zaire: Hmmmmm, yeah, this match? We winning this shit. We got it on lock, trust. The Campeon...the Cam...look, the tag titles gon be around our waists soon enough aight? Or maybe not. Maybe imma sling that title over my shoulder instead, fuck if I know. Whatever feels more comfortable. And man do I feel comfortable right now. I’m all cozy n shit. Everything just feels right when it comes to this match. The stars are aligning. The fat lady singing when it comes to Drake n Jones’ reign. Oh, that’s right, they ain’t even the champions. So ain’t no respect coming your way. Only thing coming your way is a beating. It’s what you deserve after all. After you attacked our agent. An innocent man, you put your hands on. Now where have I seen this before huh? Shit too common these days. Point is, I know you two scrubs wanted to send a message our way. But that message got lost in translation. The fuck did you even prove huh? That you can knock out an out of shape, middle-aged man who sits behind a desk all day? I would sure hope that you could beat his ass. Especially with the two of you. You struggled a lil bit with the lawyers but eventually, you figured it out. Z proud of you. But one problem you ain’t gon figure out is us. Cuz we are a problem. You got a problem on your hands that you can’t overcome. Y’all fucked for real for real. Cuz for the longest you’ve faced bonafide scrubs in your little tag division that Jay let you look after. Shit ain’t poppin. Shit lackin. But maybe it’s not fair for me to blame you cuz I’ve been studying up on tag team wrestling for a lil while now. K, I lied, I didn’t...Eugene did for me but I actually listened to what that lil pencil neck geek had to say and I watched the film he provided and the conclusion I’ve reached is tag wrestling is on the decline. No matter the company, there are usually only a few teams. And of those few teams, there is usually only one good one. Like us in Wrestleworld. Or kinda like the AFC East for years. You got the Patriots and then you got, fuck all. I guess the Bills are aight. Shout out to homie Stefon. You still owe me a couple grand but that a story for a different day. Now I could stand here and say that once RZD collects those titles and get our nameplates slapped on dem, that teams will be formed immediately after or existing teams will come out of the woodwork for the chance to face us. On one hand that makes sense. Cuz if you face us, you get the spotlight shining down on you. You get some attention. You get the glitz and the glamour. You get more money thrown your way cuz you now a part of something special. Something high profile. Being in the ring with us is big time. But on the other hand I don’t see that happening. The more likely scenario is they all gon be too scared to face us. Ya know, shaking in their lil boots. Now some could say that’s some real pussy shit right there. But I don’t see it that way. They smart for avoiding us. For steering clear out of our direction. Point is, the tag division only needs one team...us. And it’ll be just us as we smash every last skull of our opponents until we reach the point that they get the hint that they can’t fuck wit us.

At Chapter 15 I listened to Drake. Yeah, real shit, I listened to his ramblings. Wasn’t pleasant one bit but I got through it. Had to pause the video a few times but as I said, I got through it. And he talked about how he and Jones are a real team and we ain’t. The fuck you talking bout? You need to connect the dots and not just scribble all over. A filter you lack fo sho. You need to think first, then speak. But you clearly skipped the first step, not surprised. Look, D’Lo and I are a real motherfuckin team. If you think otherwise then you somehow have worse awareness than Drew Brees. Dumb motherfucka. I’ll slam you on the fifty-yard line and kneel right on your chest. Then give you a scar on your other cheek or whatever the fuck that is. Or is it a birthmark? Point is I’ll fuck him up just like I’ll fuck you two up on whatever day this pay-per-view is. Fuck if I know. I let my assistant handle that shit. I’ll show up when I need to show up, aight? But we’ll not only show up, but we’ll show out. Together. Cuz we in this together. It don’t matter what Drake thinks. It don’t matter what Tiberius thinks. They can downplay us all they want. They can think that they the superior team with the superior friendship but that myth will be busted wide open this week. I mean, that ain’t the only busting that’ll be going on though. For starters we’ll bust Drake n Jones’ skulls open. I would say, then expose their brains to the world, but Drake ain’t got one. And later when we go on to win imma find the finest RZD groupie that night, or shit, maybe even Sarah and I’ll bust...nah I’ll stop it right there. Kids be watching this. Especially when D’Lo and I speak cuz we role models and shit. Lead by example and shit. It is what it is. But I still can’t get over Drake saying we ain’t a real team. Might be the dumbest thing I heard all week and that includes what Candace Owens and Jake Fromm said. Like hey, maybe this is his take on mind games. Trying to get in my head. Trying to get under my skin. But I’m not even worked up. I’m not about to shout or yell. I’m chill, but I’m also just dumbfounded. Out of all the scorching hot takes, this one might take the cake. We bout the tag team life. We been a team since college. Looking out for each other, having each other’s back, knowing what the other was thinking at all times. Like when I was pass blocking whatever lil bitch the defensive coordinator put in front of me, even with my back turned towards D’Lo I could tell if he was rolling to his left and was about to scramble or if he was about to throw a bomb down that field for a score. He could do either or on every play. Point is I knew what he was doing because I know him. Because he the homie. He my best friend. And that’s why we’ll make a great team. Not only because we are both naturally gifted but because of the chemistry. And because of that chemistry, we always on the same page. We have the same motherfuckin goal. It’s to win those tag titles.

We don’t give a flying fuck about singles success. We don’t got our eyes on the European Championship or the Shogun Championship or the American Dream Championship. Good news for those champions...but horrible news for you Drake and for you Jones. You about to face a bond that can’t be broken. You about to face camaraderie that can’t be duplicated. You about to face a team that can’t be stopped. But you can be. Drake I stopped you first hand. That’s relevant to this match cuz it involves you and I. Otherwise I wouldn’t bring it up cuz I hate to break it to you Aubrey Graham, but that win didn’t do anything for me but to give me even more confidence, which I didn’t think was possible. I didn’t come here to beat you in a singles match at a random Chapter. But a dub a dub. Because like I clearly said, singles success isn’t my thing. It isn’t D’Lo’s either. We came here to win the tag titles. It’s always been that. Shit ain’t changed. I think that’s straightforward enough, right? A tag team wants to be tag team champions. Stop the presses. But for whatever reason, Drake didn’t see that. He refused to read the writings on the wall. Thinking we would be all buddy-buddy when we don’t know you. We don’t fuck wit you like that. I got a small circle. I ain’t adding anyone new. Fuck the phonies. I can’t be no friends with no cap. Yeah I just quoted Mr. Knowledge Strength and Integrity. Shit was whack. Almost as whack as your boxing form but I digress. I think you, Tiberius, always knew in the back of your mind. You were always hesitant. Cuz you clearly the brains behind the operation while Drake is the....uhhhh, hes the...well, he brings a lot to the table such as...fuck if I know. But on a real, Tiberius you always knew our intentions. Just like you know deep down that RZD gon be the first ever tag team champions in Wrestleworld history. And that ain’t a bad thing. It’s a good thing. Cuz you the architect. Meaning your duty is to look over the division and make sure it’s in tip-top shape. To make sure it’s in good hands like this shit’s Allstate Insurance. Us being champs is the best thing you can ask for. It’s just right. It makes sense. And when we win, then you will no longer have to be here all the time. I mean I guess you can make a few special guest appearances like you Jaydayne...hol up...but like I was saying you can stop by every once in a while, check in on us, make sure our coffee is hot and our sandwiches are cut diagonally and our gear is washed and ironed, and then leave again. Cuz the tag division will be gucci with us holding those titles. Just accept this’ll happen. That you’re losing this week. It’ll help take the sting away. If not, then shhhhhhhhhheeeit, you gon be in our way. That's fucked up. You don’t want to be in our way. You ain't gonna like the outcome, for real. We won’t be held responsible for what happens to you. Your injuries won’t be our fault, but of your own. I wouldn’t want to have to break every single rib of yours with a spear or cause you a knee injury that would even make Joe Theismann squirm. But then again, if that were to happen I’m sure you could always go back to being a cameraman. It suits you more. Almost as much as those tag titles suit us.