Fuck Drake and Jones. All my homies hate Drake and Jones.

[The scene starts off with Zaire and D'Angelo working out in a Russian gym or some shit. They are workout freaks. Pumpin that iron, you know how they do. They have been there for hours. The gym owner comes up to them and starts yelling at them in Russian but they don't understand shit. Not just because they don't understand the foreign language but because they are wearing their Bose headphones because sponsor. After a while, Z finishes up and takes a seat near Eugene. The nerd is caught off guard because they usually never pay attention to him. Eugene was just minding his business, working on his crossword puzzles. While D'Lo is still working out because he is an endurance machine.]

Eugene: Oh hey, Zaire!

Zaire: Oh hey, Eug!

Eugene: How was the workout?

Zaire: Crushed that shit.

Eugene: Good, good. Oh, you are still here? Usually, this is the part where you insult me.

Zaire: We reading off a script or some shit? Nah, why would I insult you? You part of the fam, fam. So how is life?

Eugene: This is a set up isn't it?

Zaire: Nah, I am genuinely interested.

Eugene: Well, I have been doing some exciting things, if I do say so myself.

Zaire: Oh, such as?

Eugene: Well, I binge-watched season 4 of 13 Reasons Why on Netflix.

[Yeah, Zaire clearly doesn't give a fuck. He doesn't even know what 13 Reasons Why is. He looks into the camera with a stoic look, not even paying attention to Eugene. His stare never leaves the camera, even as he asks this next question.]

Zaire: Yeah? Tell me about it.

Eugene: I am so glad you asked! So in my opinion 13 Reasons Why has been off the rails since season 1. I mean it's kinda gone downhill but I still watched season 4 in two days haha. The show went from shedding light on mental health and suicide awareness to a group of friends trying to get away with murder. Clay is the glue of the group, kind of like me when it comes to The Red Zone District. He is always there for Jessica and Alex and Justin and Zach. Always putting them first but as time goes on, he has to live with all their secrets on top of his own and it becomes too much in season 4 when he loses his mind, literally. He does a lot of shady things and can't even remember them. Crazy right?

[Zaire, still looking right into the camera and paying zero attention to Eugene. He even lets out a small yawn.]

Zaire: Uh huh.

Eugene: Sorry, I don't mean to spoil. Everybody who hasn't seen season 4 needs to mute this video. Giving you a few extra seconds to do just that...okay. So there are football players in this show. They are the villains, the ultimate scumbags...nothing like you and D'Angelo. The two biggest bad guys on the show are Bryce and Monty. Bryce raped Jessica and Hannah. Among a lot of other girls. And Monty sexually harassed Tyler when he shoved a broomstick up his ass.

Zaire: Yeah. Wait...the fuck was that sus shit you just say?

Eugene: Yeah, it's crazy. This drives Tyler to want to shoot up the school but Clay, being the good dude and glue guy he is, stops him from doing it, as Clay's friend Tony helps. They are there for Tyler and he no longer wants to harm anyone. He is just happy to have friends.

Zaire: This hits a lil too close to home huh? By the way, imma need someone to check your bags from now on.

Eugene: Oh why?

Zaire: No reason. Continue.

Eugene: From no reason to thirteen...haha, see what I did there? So anyways in Season 4...

Zaire: SIIIIIIKE! I DONT GIVE A FUCK! SHUT THE FUCK UP OH MY GOD WHY ARE IN NEAR ME? WHY ARE YOU INVADING MY PERSONAL SPACE?! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!

Eugene: But you sat next to me...oh, sorry, I will go.

Zaire: See, that shit right there? It was pointless. But it served its purpose. It was a time-waster. Z aint give a fuck bout no teen drama show. Just like I, along with everybody else don't give a fuck about that lil play you put on, Drake. Pretending to be Goodell and shit. Good spoof. Except it wasn't. Gotcha bitch. But it is fitting that you held a fantasy draft cuz this entire time you been living in your lil fantasyland and I dont blame you playa. Cuz if I was in your size seven boots lil man, I would be running from reality too. Cuz here in reality you bout to lose badly at the hands of RZD. Here in reality you bout to lose your purpose. Bout to lose your spot like Trent. Who Trent? I am so glad you asked, bitchass Drake. Trent was the left tackle at ASU before I arrived. He was a senior. He was first-team all PAC 12 his junior year. But then I set foot on campus and guess what, Drake? Nah shut the fuck up, you don't actually get to the guess. Like the big man on campus I was, I TOOK HIS SPOT AS A TRUE FRESHMAN! CUZ IM BETTER! IM MORE TALENTED! And people were big mad at first cuz everyone loved Trent. He was a team captain. He was well respected. Did a lot in the community. Gave back and all that shit like the sucka he was. But coach knew what he was doing when he made me the starter and my teammates stopped their bitching after they saw me put in work. They no longer gave a fuck bout Trent. It wasn't all bad either as they just slid him to right tackle instead so his feelings wouldn't be hurt like the lil beta male he is. But this time around, here in Wrestleworld, nobody gon care when I take your spot Drake. Cuz I been doing my reaseach on you. Well, Eugene has and I must say that your shtick is overcooked. Trying your hand at comedy and shit when you ain't made for it. Nobody laughing with you, you dumb lil motherfucka. They laughin at you. Just like they laughed at you when I beat you in singles weeks ago! But Z that don't count cuz that's singles and Drake aint programmed for singles he all bout that tag team life. So? So am I and I still got the job done when I only been doing this whole rasslin thing for a few months. I bring this match up, not just to hurt Drake's ego, but because even tho this is a team match at Kingdom Come, Drake, we gon be locking horns again in that ring at some point while D'Lo and your boy Tiberius be lookin on from the apron. And they gonna watch as I get the better of you yet again. Shit so obvious.

But like I said, I be doing my research. I know bout your ties with the likes of Claudia from the past as you had you lil group. And I must say that I liked you and Tiberius a lot more back then cuz the spotlight wasn't just shining down on you. In fact, it was barely shining on you. You had a foot in it, maybe a pinky too. But they only cared about Claudia and some dude. Don't really remember his name. Guess he failed to make an "impact" like yo boys, RZD. But look, real talk, you aint ready for this. You aint ready for this moment. This stage gon be too big for you, Drakey. Like Im too big for you...pause.  You only making this worse for yourself tho. Especially when you open that punk-ass mouth of yours. Trying to promote this match and shit, like cool, I respect the hustle a lil bit, but you don't have to help. This match doesn't need any promotion when it comes to RZD. The fans see we in this match, they already tuning in. But I do like how you try to bring up our dirt and shit like that gon get under my skin. Well it aint. Cuz there isnt a single thing you can say that will ruffle my feathers. I am calm. Until that bell rings. Then all hell breaks loose and you two bitches can only hope to survive. Surviving is the only win you fighting for this week, trust. But you talk about how we are just failed football players and we only a team by association, like coo'. You do realize that your words are only gon make this worse for you when you lose to those two failed football players right? SHEEEEEEIT! Two failed football players coming into your sport and beating one of the best tag teams in professional wrestling history in their first big match, it aint gon be a good look for y'all. But then again there isn't anything embarrassing bout losing to RZD, so no worries as you pass the torch to us. Oh and passing the titles to us as well. I want you two bonafide scrubs to kneel at Kingdom Come after our match and present us with our titles, aight? Dope, sounds good.

As for the other half, Tiberius. I ain't gon lie, which I never do anyway, I fast-forwarded through at least the first half of your video. I wasn't feelin it. Wasn't very cash money. But you hurt. I see it in your eyes. You hurt. You hurt bad. I would ask who hurt you, but we already know...RZD did. You hurt cuz we never showed up to that contract signing. Not sure why you two all in your feelings bout that. We did you a favor by not being there. If we were, you two clowns woulda been the ones going through that table and not our agent Lee. But I get it, you guys think you big deals. You architects and shit, so you should be getting respect thrown your way, along with roses thrown at your feet. But I don't respect you. I don't respect or look up to the inferior talent. Why would I? Shit makes no sense. Just like you two thinking you actually have a shot in winning this match makes no sense. You guys should try making sense sometime, it would be benefical to all parties involved. Cuz here I am with this big ass headache cuz of yall. It's not cuz I don't understand your words like this typical dumb jock you guys like to portray us as. It's just what you say, has no meaning behind it cuz even you don't believe the bullshit that is pouring out of your mouths. You just don't know what you are talking about. You even said it yourself you're one of those anime nerd bois. You know nothin bout sports like your pal, Drake. And yet you try to talk sports with us. Don't. You don't see me trying to talk cartoons with you. My bad, meant anime. Talking bout how our teammates cleaned up after us, to cover up our mistakes on the field. BITCH WE WERE THE TEAM! THE FUCK HAS ARIZONA STATE ACCOMPLISHED SINCE WE LEFT? JACK SHIT! There's a reason why nobody goes there. It is nobody's first option. We only went there cuz we got paid. Once ASU got busted and can no longer bribe their players with cash, everybody be avoiding that dumpster fire. But we made that team go. We made that entire school relevant. Even more so than James Harden. ASU landed two top twenty players in the nation during our senior year in high school. They aint never doing that again. Cuz they dont deserve talent like us. Shit I dont know if Wrestleworld even deserves us. Cuz this just like ASU all over again, where we carry this shit. It's just not a football team this time, but an entire tag team division. We helping this divison thrive and yet you two fucks are being hostile bout it. You should be saying thank you cuz we here to help,  the fuck? And literally, everything you said about why you team with Drake applies to D'Lo and me, so thanks for proving my point when I was trying to accomplish the impossible that was trying to get through to Drake, fuck. Man I'm done. Just hand us the tag titles already. Shit's boring.

[Scene fades to black]