Keep Fishin' (Senor Pinchy Promo 1 Violent Delights)

(The camera opens back on the ocean where Pinchy sits at the end of a pier with his legs dangling over the edge as he casts out another reel.)

"So they have given Pinchy another shot at the Hybrid Campeonatos de Parejas? Why? Es because Pinchy es only dos veces Hybrid Campeonato? No. Es because Senor Pinchy beat "Sole Fry" Don Jordan. Pinchy earned his shot. Pinchy proved that Pinchy still has it, si? The truth of de matter es Pinchy never lost it. People around Pinchy lost it, and those people are gone now because those people couldn't stand to swim in Pinchy's wake and catch the slip stream to the top. Those people had to try and go out of their way and prove themselves until there was only one last mang y niña standing. What did this bravado y pride get them? Where are they now? Who is left? I'll tell j'ou whose left because Pinchy es left, and that means he es still here to set el record straight. I am the betta fish that remains when j'ou take two members of the top of a division y pour them en the same bowl. Pinchy has tried to be a team player, si? Pinchy has tried putting his machismo aside y let the fairer sex step up to the plate time y time again, only to be left by his lonesome out in the cold without a title around Pinchy's thorax. Who is left for Pinchy to team with? Water Lily Santo? Loco Violet Goby? Maybe a mang for a change; "Daredevilfish" Daniel Horror? Big Mouth Brucey Bass McLeod? Pinchy cannot know, but regardless Pinchy shall come out the other end victorioso!

Cameraman Pete: Actually...

(Pinchy nearly jumps off of the dock in surprise at the sound of Cameraman Pete's voice. He peers over his shoulder with contempt at Pete, and then sets back to fishing.)

Senor Pinchy: Jesuscristo, senor Pedro Cameramang! Pinchy did not a'know j'ou were there.

Cameraman Pete: Do you just talk to yourself like that all of the time when you think cameras aren't around?

Senor Pinchy: No, Senor Pinchy saw la promo where senorita Finthia Roe was talking without moving her mouth, y no one could hear her. Pinchy thought maybe he try it, si?

Cameraman Pete: No.

Senor Pinchy: No?

Cameraman Pete: No. I can't...I can't even begin to explain the process to you. Just know that she records that later, okay? It's supposed to be like her inner thoughts, or journal or-

Senor Pinchy: Silencio! Pinchy does not care about j'our technical jargon. J'ou will scare away pez with j'our boring nerd talk. Either that or put them to sleep, y then they wont bite!

Cameraman Pete: Sorry. I didn't come out here to tell you about the inner workings of a promo vignette anyway. I came to get your thoughts on your upcoming match for the Hybrid Tag Team Championships against incumbent champions "So Fly" Don Jordan and Coach Hank.

Senor Pinchy: It shall be a challenge for Pinchy to go por the campeonatos alone, but if j'ou t'ink about it; es not the first time. Past parejas have not carried their weight in our tandem. They resented el Pinchy for his natural gifts as a competitor y tried to eat him like everyone else.

Cameraman Pete: Didn't Alice Gamer give you a home?

Senor Pinchy: Ehhh...regardless, she did not do much to watch Pinchy's back.

Cameraman Pete: Oh my gosh, yes she did! She helped you in your singles bout against Saria when her wannabe tag partner, what's her name, tried to get involved. And again, she literally put a shell on your back!

Senor Pinchy: Eh, she a'took it away además. My point es that Pinchy es a greater whole than the sum of "Sole Fry" Don Jordan y Poached Tank Dreck.

Cameraman Pete: Wow, you're really reaching for these names lately aren't you?

Senor Pinchy: No, no one reaches for dreck. Don't be estupido senor Pedro Cameramang. Ooooh! Pinchy has bite!

(Pinchy pulls back on his rod, trying his desperate to fight the prey at the end of his hook.)

Cameraman Pete: Actually, you wont be going it alone.

Senor Pinchy: Perdóname...Pinchy...es...trying to...reel-in....pez...es-talking-like...senor Shatner!

Cameraman Pete: I didn't want to have to be the one to tell you this, but your tag partner is...TJ Thompson.

(Suddenly the rod goes flying from Pinchy's claws. He watches placidly as it skips across the water as the fish on the other end of the line drags it away into the deep blue void. Pinchy lifts his head, still staring blankly at the horizon as Cameraman Pete shifts awkwardly on the dock behind him, clearly uncomfortable in the tense silence.)

Senor Pinchy: ¿qué dijiste?

Cameraman Pete: Pinchy, I know you two have a history together.

Senor Pinchy: Historia? ah...ahaha...¿historia? Nononono, Pinchy y TeeHay do not have historia. Pinchy y TeeHay have un pasado, presente y futuro. Es not over between Senor Pinchy y TeeHay Thompson. ¿Por qué?

Cameraman Pete: Why what?

Senor Pinchy: ¿Por qué estamos unidos?

Cameraman Pete: Well...TJ asked for a shot at the titles, so "So Fly" made him do push-ups for it. After TJ had done twenty, Don said he could have a title shot. Then Coach Hank came by and thought it'd be funny if you two teamed up together against them.

Senor Pinchy: ¿Es una broma?

Cameraman Pete: Well...sorta, yeah.

Senor Pinchy: ¿Pinchy es una broma para ti?

Cameraman Pete: Not to me, no. I don't think you're a joke to anybody.

(Pinchy hangs his head once more, looking down into the water with a surprisingly placid contemplation.)

Cameraman Pete: I gotta be honest, you're taking this simultaneously harder and easier than I thought you would.

Senor Pinchy: ¿Qué quieres decir?

Cameraman Pete: Well, I thought you'd be angry about it. I thought there'd be some fiery passion, maybe even a threat on my life for being the one to tell you this news.

Senor Pinchy: No.

Cameraman Pete: Instead you've become...sad? Are you sad?

Senor Pinchy: No.

Cameraman Pete: And you've seemed to have slowly lapsed into going full Spanish.

Senor Pinchy: Lo siento...eh...perdoname...I mean, sorry.

Cameraman Pete: Sorry?

Senor Pinchy: Si, I did not mean to alienate j'ou gringo senor Pedro Cameramang.

Cameraman Pete: It's okay. I can imagine the shock you've just experienced.

Senor Pinchy: Shock? Pinchy es not "shock". Pinchy es ehhh....how j'ou say?...immensely disappointed.

Cameraman Pete: Why?

Senor Pinchy: Because of la campeonatos shortsightedness y disrespect. Who am I, senor Pedro Cameramang?

Cameraman Pete: Is this a rhetorical? or trick question? You say your name every five seconds.

Senor Pinchy: Es not what I ask j'ou, e Pinchy no comprender 'rhe-tor-ic-al'.

Cameraman Pete: It means I say the answer in my head.

Senor Pinchy: No, es stupido! Who am I? Say it.

Cameraman Pete: You're Senor Pinchy.

Senor Pinchy: Ah, si! and who es Senor Pinchy?

Cameraman Pete: Well, there are a lot of online theories on that one but-

Senor Pinchy: Senor Pinchy es first dos veces Hybrid Campeonato de Pareja! Now tell me; who es TeeHay Thompson?

Cameraman Pete: He's the former Hybrid Tag Team Champion as one half of the Hip Hunters.

Senor Pinchy: The lesser half, but regardless, si that es the answer. Tank y "Sole Fry" believe we are jokes? ¡Mierda! We are the building blocks of this division. We are the forefathers who paved the way for other miss-matched parejas to come together y fight for a common goal. A'besides them, we are the only men to ever hold that Hybrid gold.

Cameraman Pete: Men?

Senor Pinchy: Males. Silencio, do not be a'that guy.

Cameraman Pete: Sorry.

Senor Pinchy: As much as I odio TeeHay Thompson, I cannot lie and say that he was not cut from de cloth of greatness. If I were to lie y say that, then I would be denying Pinchy's greatness. Pinchy was snipped off of TeeHay's cloth when he waged war on mi raza de la garra! We are made of the same stuff, e that stuff es greatness. It es why we butt heads y test the integrity of our fabric so often. We are the only ones worthy of beating one another...I mean, Senor Pinchy es more worthy, but regardless...

Cameraman Pete: Careful now, Pinchy. You almost gave TJ Thompson a compliment.

Senor Pinchy: And why not? TeeHay deserves cumplidos. He es the best that DOMINION has to offer. WE are the best that DOMINION has to offer. I proved it last week against "Sole Fry" Don Jordan when I beat him. Going into that match, we were muy complementario of each other's lucha y accomplishments. And again, why not? We are within the same hallowed class of campeones. Sure, he threw a few barbs Pinchy's way, even inferred that Pinchy was joking...but to say outright that this tandem? This parejas of former campeonatos es something to be laughed at? That es not respeto! When j'ou force a former campeone like TeeHay Thompson to do a'up-pushes por his rightful chance to a rematch? That es not respeto! We are the elder gods that parted the sea so that j'ou could walk with j'our cabezas held high as campeone. We are the entities that put prestigio on the belts that j'ou are too gordo to even put around j'our waists!

Cameraman Pete: Wow Pinchy! Don't fat shame. It's 2021.

Senor Pinchy: Regardless...

Cameraman Pete: Hank Hecht's a downright cruiserweight. There isn't an ounce of fat on that man's-

Senor Pinchy:REGARDLESS! REGARDLESS!

(Pinchy snaps around and shoots daggers at Cameraman Pete, showing the first outward signs of aggression since this interview started. Pete nearly jumps backwards trying to avoid Pinchy's gaze as the crab man slowly turns back to face the ocean.)

Senor Pinchy: Pinchy say 'regardless', si?...

Cameraman Pete: Yes...

Senor Pinchy: What does that mean for Pinchy to say that?

Cameraman Pete: Not the intended dictionary purpose of the word, that's for-

(Pinchy lets out a forewarning grumble under his breath that causes Cameraman Pete to stop mid sentence in frozen horror.)

Cameraman Pete: ...It means that senor Pedro Cameramang shuts up and lets Pinchy talk without interrupting?

Senor Pinchy:...

Cameraman Pete:...

Senor Pinchy: Buen chico.

(Cameraman Pete begins to let out a relieved sigh, but then stifles it as Pinchy's head turns halfway around once more, but then stops on an unintententionally artsy shot of his iconic crabby profile.)

Senor Pinchy: J'ou tell me what j'ou t'ink, senor Pedro Cameramang. Why do Tank y '"Sole Fry" treat Pinchy y TeeHay like a joke?

Cameraman Pete: Maybe they think that you'll be too busy fighting one another to win the titles?

(Pinchy's head tilts to both sides, as if rolling the thought over in his head for the first time. After another long awkward pause where Cameraman Pete worries for his life, Pinchy's shoulders come out of their placid hunch and the crab man shakes his head in agreement.)

Senor Pinchy: J'ou know something? That makes sense to Pinchy. Porque el infierno would I want TeeHay as mi tres pareja? Why wouldn't Pinchy take this oportunidad to end it between the two of us de una vez por todas? Why wouldn't I leave him high y dry, flopping around e gasping for air like a fish on dry land being circled by dorado gulls?

(Pinchy pushes himself up off of the dock and turns to face the camera fully for the first time. He begins walking back toward shore, passing Cameraman Pete aimlessly as his thoughts run wild in his head.)

Cameraman Pete:...because you want to be a champion?

(Pinchy stops and looks over his shoulder at Pete. He finds himself lost in a deep ponder once more, and then nods his head and turns around once more and makes his way toward the end of the pier.)

Cameraman Pete: So...which is it?

Senor Pinchy: I cannot know. J'ou have given Pinchy much to think about.

Cameraman Pete: Hey...hey, land's that way?

Senor Pinchy: Si.

Cameraman Pete: Yes, you're walking toward the sea.

Senor Pinchy: Si.

Cameraman Pete: Is there any particular reason why?

(Pinchy stops at the edge of the dock and begins to squat, ready to take a dive.)

Senor Pinchy: I have to get back what's mine.

Cameraman Pete: The titles?

(Pinchy tilts his head and peers down into the water.)

Senor Pinchy: Ehhh...Pinchy does not think the titles are at the bottom of the ocean...unless j'ou have something else to tell Pinchy?

Cameraman Pete: No. Why are you diving into the water you madcrab?

(Pinchy turns back to face Cameraman Pete, his head tilts to the other side with more puppy-like confusion.)

Senor Pinchy: Es no obvious? I'm getting mi reel.

(Pinchy waves by to the perplexed Cameraman Pete and then blindly hops backwards off of the pier. A loud splash follows. Pete looks around in panicked confusion, and then rushes toward the end of the dock. He scans the water for Pinchy, but doesn't see so much as a bubble on the wavy surface.)

Cameraman Pete: Oh god, he's finally done it. That poor diluted bastard finally drowned himself.

"GEEEPH!"

(Pete nearly falls backwards as Pinchy violently re-emerges on the water's surface with a mighty gasp; his fishing line held high over his head in one triumphant caw.)

Cameraman Pete: JESUS CHRIST!

Senor Pinchy: No, no Jesús. He would never steal Pinchy's line, although he could walk on agua...

(Pinchy pulls his other claw to the surface to reveal a flopping baby blue marlin with a hook still embedded in it's bottom lip.)

Senor Pinchy: Pez espada es the culprit! Pinchy had to sword fight him to get it back.

Cameraman Pete:...swordfight?

Senor Pinchy: Si, with the mi garras.

Cameraman Pete: Oh thank god...you know what? I think I'm going to call it a day, Pinch.

Senor Pinchy: Of course j'ou are! J'ou scared off all the fish, now j'ou leave Pinchy by his lonesome!

(The marlin flaps indigently in Pinchy's claw, catching the crab man's attention.)

Senor Pinchy: Perdoname. I did not mean to make offenses.

Cameraman Pete: OKAY! You two seem to have things under wraps here. I'll just...

(Pete turns and starts running up the dock. As the sandy shore grows beneath the boards of the pier, the sudden sound of chattering catches Pete's attention. He pans around until his lens lands on Pinchy scurrying up the shore next to the dock.)

Cameraman Pete: Oh shi-

(Pete turns to dive off of the pier to safety, but ends up face planting hard into the sand. The camera goes to static, and then fades to black.)