Stark Feast for the Fallen

Yeah it’s that time of year again. I remembered how to speak English, I remembered that I’m technically under contract with several wrestlings, and I remembered that when I put some effort in the ring, I’m actually pretty good, so with the remaining number of dates that I do have on my lucrative Jahwalker certified iron-clad WrestleWorld contract I want to leave a good impression on the island before I head back off into my well-worn sunset. I’m not in that part of my career where you feel like you’ll have regrets or things left undone anymore if you’re not there grinding with everything you’ve got to reach the top right, I know that I have absolutely nothing left to prove to anyone. What more can I do, I’ve won a championship in every place that matters, I’ve tasted the powers of Gods and beings that some could only dream of having, and most importantly I’ve made my name one that strikes fear into the hearts of my colleagues and excitement into the fans.

I know that people don’t always take me seriously, but the underlying uncertainty is always there and it gives me life. I admit it proudly now, I’m a troll, I enjoy knowing that I don’t need to take myself as seriously as some of my peers have to in order to maintain that level of respect that I know I “deserve”, or rather the respect that I’ve earned in the past that I continue to coast on. Whatever it is, it works, and that’s more than some people can say. I thrive off of that, I thrive off of knowing that no matter how low someone’s perception of me might be that they’ll always have that lingering doubt. I want my opponents to just have one question on their minds when they know they’re up against me. What if? What if this is the night I go all out and make their lives hell in the ring, what if this is the night one of the most dangerous beasts in the history of this industry wakes up and lays waste? Unfortunately for me, I ask that question too. 

My strength is a double-edged sword, and serves as my weakness as well. I don’t know either. I don’t know if this is the night that something within will be challenged enough for me to go all out. It takes someone special to bring out my best, but anyone who’s ever been there for it live in the arena knows what I’m talking about. When I’m on, I am fucking on, and there are few things in wrestling anymore that hits like a good Stark match. I have the capability to take over any show and put on the most memorable match that night. Like I said though, it depends on who it is. So when I talk about making the most of the time I have left in WrestleWorld, how will I do that most effectively? I don’t need to think about that anymore luckily, because as is usual with the chosen heroes of this world, opportunity falls into my lap. 

Feast for the Fallen is where I’ll take my shortcut to the top and skip the meaningless boring battles with Devon Slayton that I couldn’t be fucked enough to try with. I gave that loser his fifteen minutes of fame and he was lucky I was more focused on playing with Amy Slayton’s tits after the match than I was with putting anything resembling serious effort in the ring with him. But I can’t be mad, Devon, you honestly do deserve this. If you don’t pull this off against Chris I’m probably going to come back and start fucking with you again, but you’ll actually deserve it at that point. Devon Slayton is just one of the many worms at the bottom of the card that I would gladly avoid for the rest of my tenure here at WrestleWorld, but unfortunately for me, this Feast for the Fallen match is crawling with these vermin.

I’ll be honest. I’m in WrestleWorld to draw eyes, I’m here for a lot of money and for this venture to be worth my time, I need to be getting something valuable in return. The money makes it worth it. Jaywalker’s pockets are deep and he knows that in this desolate time for WrestleWorld where Devon Slayton, Jay Jones, Indy Darling, Senior Pinchy, and Cynthia Rose are the bums they need to parade as the pillars of this company, Stark is the man to call to steer the ship right. Now I get it, I’m not going to exaggerate. The guys I just mentioned are good. Hell, Jay Jones held a championship in SSW and the standard for our lowest belts seems even higher than the standards for the World Titles here if y’all got Devon challenging for those. It’s a far cry from the days of the reigns of Claudia, Allesandro, Pendragon, and Asakura, but we can’t blame the new guys now for simply not being good enough. These champions are good mid-tier guys and deserve jobs in WrestleWorld, it’s not their fault that there simply wasn’t talent around to remind them where they belong at the bottom of the card. Now that I’m here, once I get my shot from Feast for the Fallen, I’ll make my way up and fix what I can with these dipshits cosplaying as top wrestlers.

But before I look up at Cynthia and Jay Jones, allow me to check the shit at the bottom of my shoe. I’m just gonna be completely honest at this point. Let me quote my man Arnold Schwarzenegger from The Simpsons Movie, “I was elected to lead, not to read.” I don’t know who the fuck some of these people are. I guess I know that WrestleWorld needed some warm bodies to fill the card after the bitches who couldn’t handle the intensity of the island walked out of here, but some of this shit sounds like it came out of a name generator. Jacob Stone, Jimmy Johnson, Jaxson Caine, Delilah Hill, get this Christian Rock Band sounding lineup out of my sight. All disrespect intended to you green as turtle shit rookies but I can assume that you don’t know me any much better than I know you so just stay the fuck out of my way while I deal with the big threats and hey, maybe one of those lesser Feast for the Fallen briefcases can land in your laps while I clear my way to the top. Trickle down economics works when the lower people accept their spots as the rats under the table gathering to catch crumbs, so if y’all understand the difference between us and help me instead of hindering my process, you’ll find yourselves rewarded. Mess with me and you’ll find yourselves face down on the mat. Y’all decide, it makes no difference in effort to me.

As for those I have heard of, the lineup here isn’t so bad. Sam Ace I heard is a man who picked up a win over Graham Baker. Kinda sad I’m considered in league with you noobs but shit, it’s better to be less experienced or skilled than it is to be a lesser human in general like some of these other names. I hate Senior Pinchy with a passion and I can’t tell why, something about idiots in masks pisses me off and it must track back to El Landerson. As for Senior Pinchy, he got to take over a talentless pool of shit on Dominion but even then he wasn’t good enough to take the title off of that dipshit Indy Darling. You can keep playing retard Pinchy but we all know underneath that mask is some insecure little bitch who wants to be a wrestler but isn’t brave enough to show his face to the world while he does it. You let your moronic rambling take the forefront of your persona so that people won’t dissect why you’re a loser, they’ll just take you at face value for being the bum that you are, the happy little jobber in a mask who’s there to have a good time. The Feast ain’t for you Pinchy, you’re going to fall off your little pedestal of mediocrity very hard and you’re not going to enjoy a second of it, I’m just glad that I’ll get to crush your dreams once and for all you poser.

Speaking of posers, this fucking guy Nobi. You’re playing gangster in OWA with the BBC and you’re over here in WrestleWorld still talking on your White Knight shit. You got something wrong in your otherwise fine speech Nobi, we aren’t rivals. You see, for me to consider you as a rival, we’ve gotta be equals. Guys like you and Fiora, or Senn even, speaking of other losers, you just aren’t on my level. You guys catch me on my off days and get some cheap wins over me then you act like we’re on the same playing field. We’re not. I get it Nobi, you idolize those greater than you, and I know you look up to me but the sad reality that you need to accept is that I don’t even look eye to eye with you, I look down on you. You’re a failure in WrestleWorld Nobi, let’s accept it. You play Sheriff here but anytime you’ve tried to do anything that actually matters you’ve failed. You failed against Colt Montoya, you failed against Jay Jones, and now you’re back here in the Feast for the Fallen, why? To fight for a chance to fail again? Just do us both a favor and don’t even bother showing up.

Reginald Dampshaw III, the face of inconsistency to the point that it’s almost impressive. I’ve been hearing about how you’re on the cusp of greatness once a year before you shit the bed as you always do, and at some point I wonder when the facade with you will shatter and people start to realize that you really have just hit your peak already. How you’ve failed to achieve anything meaningful in OWA is the same way you’ve failed to achieve anything in WrestleWorld either, Reggie, so again I ask you, what are you doing here? How will Feast for the Fallen change anything for you? How many more chances do you need to waste before you get the point that you’re just not going to be able to do anything more than you’ve already done. Destiny is real, Reggie, and sometimes our books are written before we get the chance to change our narratives, and for you I think you’ve reached the end of what was meant for you. If you had the power to do anything to change that within you, you would’ve done it by now, but it’s about time that you accept your role as a filler character in Stark’s story and step out of my way.

If we’re talking about idiots who keep putting their hands on a hot stove not understanding why they’re in pain, then let me give a shout out to the other idiot in this match who’s wasted two years of his career trying to make a team with Teddy Mac work - Travis Murphy. While I’d like to slap that retard helmet off his head, I do need to acknowledge the fact that he’s a threat. In the ring, his power is unmatched, it even makes me sweat knowing that I’m going to have to grapple with one of the best that WrestleWorld has to offer. I’m not saying Travis Murphy is bad at all, if he could only realize that teaming up with a bum like Teddy Mac and wasting his time in the weak tag division of WrestleWorld is a waste of his time, he could do something meaningful in his career. But just like how Teddy Mac crashed and burned out of the King of the World tournament, Travis Murphy is going to realize he’s out of his element against me.

I’m an irregular element and a threat to the system, guys like Travis Murphy and Senior Pinchy, perhaps some of your “homegrown favorites”, who are only used to the familiarity and safety of the WrestleWorld bubble that has been so carefully crafted to keep people on the island protected from the horrors that await them on the outside are going to be in for a shock when they realize that the monsters they know are nothing compared to the monsters they don’t. And since we’re in the spirit of Thanksgiving I’m about to spread my disease across you bums in this match and pillage your land, then I’ll sit on your corpses and eat dry turkey with my homie Nathan Fiora. Amen.