Return of the Rey

♚It begins in pitch black darkness.♚

Voice over of screaming people: “Citius! Altius! Fortius! Tiberius!”

Tiberius: Ooop! Wrong voice over. I meant to play…

Voice over of other screaming people: “Buendo! Dueno!...Volcano? ReyMundo!”

Tiberius: As J.R.R Tolkieno once wrote, it’s Return of the Rey!

♚Fireworks go off and Tiberius Jones appears on a bright stage surrounded by Latinas. With the big grin on his face, one can tell he couldn’t be happier.♚

It feels good to be back, with the rights to my name once more and in charge where I belong with my amigo El Drake Jaeger! Normally I’d be fine messing around more, but I got to get to some serious business reeeaall quick!

I can already hear it, so I’ll address the elephant in the room before I get to Brian Daniels. That’s right, I’m addressing you knuckle draggers asking how El Drake and your Reymundo have the nerve to proport to be embodiments of lucha libre all of a sudden, in your minds just cause we got put in charge of the Parejas division! That’s where you’re wrong! Any true fan of Drake & Jones would remember I’ve always showed off my favourite kicks, Onitsuka Tigers!

♚Tiberius stomps one foot forward and bends down to one knee to focus on his shoe. Onitsuka Tigers, precisely speaking….Mexico 66 Onitsuka Tigers. His favourite show brand is clearly a coincidence, but he smiles as if he just decimated all critics and weaves a tale only he could with a straight face.♚

And look at that, the most famous Onitsuka Tigers brand is the MEXICO 66 line! Straight from the 1968 Olympics! And what words have always accompanied yours truly in history? “Citius! Altius! Fortius!”, also from the Olympics! So with my favourite shoes and my chant as proof, none can deny the truth! See El Drake and I are visionaries, we always knew this was coming, so I’ve been foreshadowing our love for Mexico years ahead of time to silence you nitpick critics! El Drake and I have seen too much anime to not be aware that people would scream plot hole if I hadn’t planned so far ahead! Silencio! I won’t allow anyone to question how much work we’ve put in as Architects!

Unlike a certain other Architect.

The last Architect to show up, yet somehow managing to be the first one to lose.

♚Tiberius stands up visibly annoyed thinking of his opponent.♚

Maybe Brian Daniels needs these Tigers, talking about still being mad after I whooped his ass all those years ago, he’s got a Kill Bill level obsession! Sadly for him, he has neither the style nor the skill of the Black Mamba, so his little revenge plot won’t have the venom required to effect the Komodo Dragon you see before you. If anything, he should thank me for giving him a quick out from a company that kept me suspended for who knows how long, during a mass exodus. Brian’s lucky he got to leave without jumping through hoops and red tape, because of me he wasn’t subjected to the fate so many others were to get out of the place. Instead he got to run an entire company, a company he drove straight to the ground, because he didn’t have what it takes to keep a business running, didn’t have what it takes to build something that can stand the test of time! It’s a wonder Jaywalker even made him an Architect, he represents the opposite of our standards! To make up a design to build something sustainable and sleek is the exact job we have! Some say El Drake and I only got to where we are because of connections, “nepotism” somehow, but at least we make those long-lasting connections because of what we are capable of, Brian just sticks around because people are in love with the shadow of Brian Daniels! The Brian Daniels that should be, the one there was, but now the one that isn’t. He is just a reflection leftover like the shadows etched in the pavement at Hiroshima.

Yet even the legend that cast that shadow, was one that was envious of what I’m capable of and what I accomplished in half the time Brian had in the business. Brian had to spend half his career proving he wasn’t a sidekick to his old tag team partner and when he was having his marque moments like winning a 30 man battle royal……he to his chagrin had to share the win with a man who ended up winning the world title instead of him. While Drake and I have always stood as equals, there has never been bad blood between the true icons of tag team wrestling! And my marque crown winning achievement? I became Rey alone, over two of the greatest hyped gringos of the decade! Time has also been kind to me, I’m a toned beast with a fro that doesn’t quit, Brian looks like a homeless scab that didn’t have a job to lose in the first place. If you can’t even put a good look together, how can anyone expect you to put together a whole division? Getting an impressive talent like Arata was a lucky fluke that fell on Brian Daniels’ lap, but even that could be considered a champion being made a century too early. Some might believe in Arata, others might not, but one thing for sure is that that these fools are now going to be under the impression that we Architects are quite fallible, until I step into the ring and correct the record that Brian Daniels set at the dismay of the rest of us. We might not see eye to eye on everything, but I know Claudia wants me to get the job done, even Babayka surely sees that as a unit our reputation has to be restored! He’ll destroy Harry Sterling, and that’ll be on you Brian! For my part, I just have to finish what I started all those years ago, I have to rid the world of the dyingdragon. And on November 3rd, what a fitting day it will be, one day removed from when our people celebrate the Day of the Dead.

Extended just for you Brian,

Día de los Muertos.

♚Fin.♚