super demon, fight to the death with a ring on fire double dodecahedron deathmatch

Jimmy walks into a room

Hey Boys and Gals, it's me, the man, the myth, the legend, the second coming of double J, Jimmy Johnson. Ok so, I may have lost the ladder match, but am I the one who had to go through ANOTHER ladder match. No, I wasn't. Rattler though, he had to go through two brutal ladder matches. If only he knew about the second ladder match. Am I saying that I had secret information about the ladder match and knew about the second ladder match? No, I had absolutely no idea about the second match, I was wondering why the American Dream championship was a briefcase.

Anyway, I was announced for a one on one match against a certain someone, but before I get into that, WRESTLEWORLD! What the Fuck! I'm called the undercard Jimmy Johnson for a reason. Mainly because in my contract it says I’m only allowed to work matches on the undercard, which means that your open for me to sue, but since I’m one match before the main event, you could say I’m the undercard for the main event so I'll let it slide.

Anyway, I gave me a match against a certain someone I've wanted to fight for years. BARNEY! At chapter 4, you will be annihilated! Year ago you taught me that learning is fun and friendship is the best reward. Well, guess what! You fucking lied to me! You dinosaur son of a bitch! University was a fucking nightmare and when I got of the university (thank god) I got a job in a steelwork. I worked for 7 years for 'friendship' until I realized that you were meant to get paid. I was homeless for all of my years at the steelworks and now you’re going to pay you, purple dinosaur BITCH. Our match is going to a super demon, fight to the death with a ring on fire double dodecahedron deathmatch

*murrering from behind camera*


Wait, you’re telling me I’m not fighting barney the dinosaur?
well at least I’m fighting in a super demon, fight to the death with the ring on fire double dodecahedron deathmatch

*more murrering from behind camera*

Wait what? It’s not a super demon, fight to the death with a ring on fire double dodecahedron deathmatch? Who in the FUCK gave me these papers!

Jimmy picks up some paper and throws them at the camera and walks out of the room.

The camera turns off

A shakey phone camera turns on, It’s Jimmy Johnson holding the phone on the sidewalk of a busy street.

So. Barney, this is your first match in the ‘big leagues’ or 'WrestleWorld' as others call it. It’s gonna be you and me in a one on one match. No ladders, no ring of fire, just a normal, exhibition match. A lot better than a ladder match with 7 guys, who are all the same, generic indie star ready to take on everyone.

I read your promo. The wrestling world sees us as jokes, in a herd of tough as nails, no-nonsense fighters. There are 2 dumbfucks in the herd sticking out like a sore thumb. Can’t wait to steal the show with you. Although you mentioned my family, saying that they are watching me. Trust me they aren’t watching any show I’m on, they are probably trying to ban it from reaching Australia (sorry Jay), but your uncle and dad will probably be watching right? Maybe you should tell them to turn off the T.V when your match comes on, they may not want to see there little ol’ Barnabus lose to a guy who was banned from entering Australia for 10 years.

The phone turns off

then quickly turns it back on

Drinks are on whoever loses

Then actually turns off the camera