Mal's Brunchtime Conspira-Sea! Episode 1- Percy Jackson: The Sea Monsters

(A shaky feed from a cellphone camera springs to life on a shot of Mallory Montana's restless face against the backdrop of Wrestleworld Capital as she walks briskly on the sidewalk to a destination unknown.)

Mallory Montana: Hello Wrestleworld, Mallory Montana here for my first entry in an open-ended log of my investigation to find out the origin of Senor Pinchy. Disclaimer: this is an unofficial vlog that I'm recording on my free time. Wrestleworld is not responsible for my actions or this recording. Quite the contrary, I've broken out of my corporate chains for the weekend so that no one can interfere in this private investigation of mine. Consider how buddy-buddy they've gotten, I'm not even sure if I can trust Cameraman Pete at this point. I haven't thought of a snappy headline for this yet...maybe Mal's Brunchtime Conspiracy? It's a working title...Anyway, I'm on my way to Eden to confront the only man on this island whom I'm certain knows the true identity of our own local loquacious crustacean Senor Pinchy.

(Mallory gives the camera phone a confident smile before clicking it off and then back on again as she reaches her destination. She pans around the Eden's infrastructure before bringing herself back into frame.)

Mallory Montana: That should be enough of an establishing shot. Now I'm heading into the lobby so that I can get on the elevator and-OH HI!

(Mallory sets the camera to selfie mode to reveal Percy coming out of the elevator in an open bathrobe with two bags of trash in each hand. At the sight of the camera, his eyes bug out with a mixture of anger and embarrassment as his fingers go limp and let the trash bags drop onto the lobby floor with a thud.)

Percy: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WOMAN!?!

Mallory Montana: Hi, I'm Mallory Montana of-

Percy: I know who the hell you are! I'm just wondering why you're taking a picture of me in my unmentionables!

Mallory Montana: Well I tried to call you to set up an interview with you and Cynthia, but apparently I have the wrong number?

Percy: Nah, I just blocked you.

Mallory Montana: (letting her smiley professional demeanor crack) Excuse me?

Percy: You heard me! I know what kind of reporter you are. You sensationalize everything and try to make it a bigger deal than it is. I think you probably started half the feuds on this island! I'm surprised they even let you near this neutral zone. That's why I haven't let you near Cynthia. I let Joy once, but I started worrying about her data mining or some weird AI shit. You know that woman's probably a robot, right?

Mallory Montana: (regaining her camera-ready smile as she gives the audience a wink) That's a Brunchtime conspiracy for another time.

Percy: Whatever the hell that means. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta throw out some trash before the rest of the 'razzi shows up to get a peak at me in my briefs.

(Percy angrily ties his robe and picks up the trash, side eyeing Mallory as he passes by with a nudge that nearly knocks the lithe vegan over. Watching her interviewee literally walk out the door, Mallory picks up the pace chasing after him to the dumpsters. She rounds the corner just in time to see him toss the trash in and slam the lid shut. He catches sight of her filming him once more and approaches aggressively)

Percy: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT WOMAN!?!

Mallory Montana: I-uh...I-I-I!

(Percy grabs the phone effortlessly out of her hand and turns the camera on the now cowering and stuttering Mallory Montana.)

Percy: DOESN'T FEEL GOOD, DOES IT!?! NOW TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT BEFORE YOU SPOT AN AMBULANCE TO CHASE!

(This accusation causes Mallory's jaw to drop. Her fearful eyes turn to anger as her slack jaw clenches tight.)

Percy: uh oh...

(Mallory snatches the phone out of Percy's hand and turns it back to selfie mode, getting them both in shot.)

Mallory Montana: I want to know about the Pizza Boy!

Percy: The pizza boy?

Mallory Montana: Yes!

Percy: Oh, well that snot-nose kid showed up 45 minutes late and had the audacity to ask for a tip?! Like hell. Kid didn't even get my order ri-

Mallory Montana: NO! Your protege! Andrew S. Sanders; a.k.a. The Professional, a.k.a. The Pizza Boy a.k.a. Señ-

Percy: More like a.k.a. dead! I know you've been pushing this narrative for awhile now, but it ain't true. Nobi threw Andrew from the top of an arena. The boy's dead. He ain't in Claudia's freezer, he ain't comin' back, and he hasn't been reincarnated as a crab luchador. I mean, you do understand how insane that sounds right?

Mallory Montana:...

Percy: Right?

Mallory Montana: Have you met him?

Percy: Who? The crab? No. I think we've been at the same place a few time, but I've never approached the guy. Why the hell would anybody? Dude thinks he's a crab.

(Mallory glances away from the camera with embarrassment for a moment, before an idea pops into her head and reinvigorates her curiosity.)

Mallory Montana: Have you at least watched his matches?

Percy: My client's on the Chapter shows. Why the hell would I watch domini-

Mallory Montana: DOMINION!

(Percy glances at Mallory with confusion.)

Percy: Is that a thing?

Mallory Montana: No, not anymore...force of habit.

Percy: So are we done here?

Mallory Montana: Not quite. You haven't seen Pinchy's matches, you haven't talked to him, and you seem downright indignant about me even insinuating that Pinchy is Andrew.

Percy: Ya got me standing out here in my drawers while you're sayin' my dead friend is a weirdo in a crab suit; why wouldn't I be indignant?

(Percy slaps the camera away, in the process switching the setting off of selfie. Mallory fumbles to catch it and manages to do so in time to get a shot of Percy walking back toward the lobby.)

Mallory Montana: You're afraid it's him, aren't you?

(Percy stops in his tracks. His head drops and shakes no in disbelief.)

Mallory Montana: Maybe I'm not the one in denial here. I'll leave you alone Percy Jackson. Clearly you're an unreliable source.

(Percy lifts his head with a sigh and shoots out an arm and holds up his index finger.)

Percy: Hold up.

Mallory Montana: For what? More lies? Who are you lying to Percy;Me or yourself?

Percy: Psssht! Nah. Uh uh. Lemme go get dressed, then you and me? We're goin' for a ride.

(Percy angrily strides into the lobby as the feed cuts to inside of Percy's car. The camera shoots up from Mallory's lap, showing Percy at the ornate wheel of his '57 Chevy Bel Air as the rural outskirts of Wrestleworld pass by the driver's side window.)

Mallory Montana: Where are we going?

Percy: To see Andrew S. Sanders. That's what you wanted, right?

Mallory Montana: You know where he is?

Percy: Yeah. He's been in the same place for over a year now. He isn't hard to find.

(Mallory cuts her excited eyes down at her camera and waggles her well-kempt eyebrows with muted excitement. The car comes to an abrupt stop and nearly throws her through the windshield. She manages to shoot her free hand out and stop herself from crashing cranium first into the airbag-less dashboard. She slowly raises up, wiping the hair from her face as Percy stoically exits the cab and slowly makes his way around the car. He pops the trunk as Mallory's face fills with confusion. She turns the camera to face their destination, revealing a sign reading "Wrestleworld's Non-Denominational Cemetary".)

Mallory Montana: Uhhhhh...

(Mallory scans the camera around in selfie mode searching for Percy as he walks around the car to the passenger's side and flings the door open, much to Montana's surprise. He stares off in the distance somberly and hands Mallory a shovel.)

Mallory Montana: What's this for?

Percy: You said you wanted to interview the boy right?

Mallory Montana: Yeah...

Percy: Well, ya best get diggin' before nightfall. Wouldn't wanna be out here when it gets dark...

(Without another word, Percy almost hypnotically starts walking toward the graveyard with a flower arrangement tucked under his armpit. Mallory points the camera back at herself as she looks around nervously for any other option but to follow the manager to the stars into the hallowed ground. Mallory draws a crucifix in the air with her finger hurriedly and starts unbuckling her seat belt. The camera cuts and comes back to a shot of Mallory's high heels walking between the tombstones. She comes to a stop and pans up at Percy, standing at the foot of one of the graves with a face devoid of emotion. He tosses the flowers onto the nearly grown over grave mound and points at the headstone. Mallory pans over to find a headstone with an ornate design of pizzas and lucha masks framing the name "Andrew S. Sanders". Below the "S." initial, a bow tie with his date of birth on one loop and his date of death on the other. Mallory pans back up to Percy, whose now visibly shaking with distraught.)

Percy: So...you gonna dig up my boy?...well? ARE YA!?!

Mallory Montana: No Percy. I'm...I'm sorry for annoying you.

Percy: It's okay. Sometimes I think I see him too...

Mallory Montana: There's been a lot of that going around. Even Nobi-

Percy: Don't say that name around me.

Mallory Montana: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of this, Percy. I'm sorry that Andrew's dead, and that you have to live with that burden on your head as you train and guide Cynthia. It must eat you alive that she lives with that dark cloud hanging over her.

Percy: I don't want her to be like him.

Mallory Montana: I know. She wont be. From what I've seen of her, she seems like a great wrestler and a sweet girl with a good head on her shoulders. I'd love to meet her one of these days, even if it isn't officially.

Percy:...

Mallory Montana: I've caused you enough grief for one day. I get it now though. You don't want her around...well, 'this'. I'll just go find a bus station or hitch a ride. There's no need for you to have to deal with my company anymore.

(Mallory turns to leave and begins walking off, the camera still held low as she drags her heels dejectedly across the cemetery grass.)

Percy: She trained with him once, you know?

(Mallory stops in her tracks and turns back to Percy, still staring ahead at the gravestone and shaking with emotion.)

Mallory Montana: Andrew? Cynthia trained with Andrew?

Percy: No they never met. She did train with the crab once though at one of those Eden wrestling seminars. I don't know if she can tell you anything, but you have my permission to ask.

Mallory Montana: Why?

(Percy turns and stares at her, then turns back to the grave.)

Percy: You showed an ounce of humanity for once. Hopefully you didn't waste it all on me.

Mallory Montana: I lose myself to the grind sometimes. Who wants to talk to a sweet girl with a microphone when they can talk to a professional with an agenda?

(Percy winces at the utterance of the 'p' word.)

Mallory Montana: Sorry.

Percy: I just haven't heard that word in a long time...but I get it. I was hard on the kid at first. Very analytical, very cold and meticulous. She wouldn't let me be though. Not for long, anyway. Be careful with her.

Mallory Montana: I'm not going to like...bombard her with questions or anything.

Percy: Nah I didn't mean that. She'll like you even if ya do badger her, but be careful with how you ask it. She doesn't like rude. She might sock ya one if she doesn't like your tone.

Mallory Montana: Oh come now, she doesn't hit people.

Percy: In the wrestling ring or in the face. Get on her nerves though? Well...that little lady can pack a punch even when she's pullin' 'em.

(Percy lifts up his shirt sleeve to reveal tiny fist sized black bruises up and down his bicep. He smirks at Mallory as she reacts off-camera.)

Mallory Montana: O-oh...!

Percy: Her love taps are intense, so watch ya mouth.

Mallory Montana: I'll remember to do that. Thank you Percy. I'll leave you to mourn if you'd like.

Percy: Nah, you ain't takin' no public bus. They'd eat you alive on there. Hop into the Bel Air and I'll give you a lift back.

Mallory Montana: Really?!

Percy: Yeah, maybe we can go grab a burger and take in some bowling or whatnot. The kid says I need a personal life outside of her anyway, and now that Claudia's gone Sam's fled the island. Waddayasay?

Mallory Montana: Oooooh, I'm uh...vegetarian...but I will take the ride back into town?

Percy: Yeah, yeah...

(Percy walks past dejectedly, heading for the Bel Air as he mumbles something about 'taking his shot' as Mallory turns the camera phone back on herself.)

Mallory Montana: This concludes this week's edition of Mal's Brunchtime Conspiracy. Tune in next Saturday for an interview with Cynthia Rose!

Percy: (from the distance) C'MON GIRL! I GOT SHIT TO DO!

Mallory Montana: M-Maybe. If Percy still lets me after shooting him down....See ya!

TO BE CONTINUED