THE LAST WORD CHAMPIONSHIP

... They wanted to perform their own reenactment of the music video to Michael Jackson's "Thriller", which Drake Jaeger took advantage of by sneaking off with the Championship, until...

....Nasir sneaks in with a meat clever and slices off Zombie Claudia's arm holding the Last Word Championship, then runs off with it for himself....

... And straight into the horde of zombies while Drake - pretending to be one of the zombies reenacting "Thriller" swipes the Championship back for himself, that is before...

....Dominic Toretto (from Fast and Furious) hits Jimmy Johnson with his Dodger and takes the belt for himself. He drinks his favourite Corona to celebrate it until....

Semen.

And then catches Jimmy across the back of his head with a gym bag full of copies of the movies that he's been in, picks up the title, and goes to have a couple of pints with Sha Samuels.

Classy suited Architect Drake Jaeger proudly congratulates Jimmy on helping to revive the Last Word Championship before headbutting him in the face and taking the Title for himself as he runs away and into...

One time I saw a cat. It had the nicest yellow stripe down it's back. Then I realized it was just a skunk that a goat wee'd on. Luckily it had exhausted it's anal glands, presumably spraying the goat, and only reeked a little bit. I gave it a pet on the head, but it was still wet from the wee, so I kicked it into my neighbor George's house. George is allergic to most things, including fluids, dying, oxford commas, and skunks. That didn't matter because it was raining that day and George was already dead. Now the skunk is my neighbor, and I am the Last Word Champion.

Really came into the previous comment expecting it to have something to do with the fact that Drake Jaeger was in a suit when he had taken the Last Word Championship previously, but now I see that would have been absolute garbage compared to the masterpiece that I read instead. I commend you on your efforts, your ingenuity, your honor, your skill, I'm the Last Word Champion now, your cleverness, your creativity, toyota, your brilliance, your attitude, squirrels, your wit, your majesty, lists of things, your innovation, your your, and most of all, that Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself.

Truly this has been a humbling experience. I cannot say that I agree with your sincerest of critiques of my literary life's work, but we do agree on one thing, and that's that Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself, and neither did his guards

...too soon?

I may not be a member of the roster, but I'm always up for a championship title match that I never earned. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's how I've held most of my championships and gotten the opportunities I've had.

Well, anyway, it's great to see everyone. Just ignore me while I try to win this championship.

Soooooooooooooo. You are done throwing Mysterio into the abyss? No. Ok well I'll just take that title then

A conundrum rose
How did he win the title?
Oh, I see. Haiku.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Hey, Professional, guess who just took the title off you

Have you ever heard the song "Shake Hands With Beef" by Primus? You'd think it's about masturbation, but it's not.  Apparently that's just what some vegans say when they lapse for a little bit, that they 'shook hands with beef' before going back to munching on veg.  Outside of the title, the song really isn't about vegans though.  It's not really about anything.  It's just a run on non sequitur.  The bass line's pretty sweet though.  Les Claypool was always good for that at least.  It's why he didn't get into Metallica. Also I'm the champ again.

Have you heard the song "Pinned by Jimmy" by J dizzle? You'd think it's about Jimmy pinning someone, but it's not. Apparently Jimmy decided to pretend that a guy named Jimmy was a rapper named J dizzle, made a song called "Pinned by Jimmy". In fact, "Pinned by Jimmy isn't even a song, I don't know why I felt like I had to lie about writing a song, I don't even know why half of this is in third person and the other half is in first person. Jimmy is a real werido, I sure am. Also I'm the champ for like the 6th time.

That's impressive. I can only cop to 5 victories for this particular title. I didn't write, or even pretend to write, a song though so I understand how you've gotten ahead of the game.